


When Heaven and Hell collide (A Human AU)

by GreenTomato13



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Agender Character, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate universe - everyone is gayier, Autistic Character, Bisexual Character, Earth AU, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Gay Bar, Gay Character, Gen, Happy Ending, Headcanon, Human AU, Human Aziraphale (Good Omens), Human Crowley (Good Omens), I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Lesbian Character, Light Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Minor Violence, Multi, No Apocalypse, Other, Queer Character, Queer Themes, Swearing, Trans Character, bar au, everyone has had at least a lil bit of a shit backstory, everyone hates everyone, everyone is a mess in this and also gay because that me and everyone i know...., everyone is also friends, glares at 1 guy, hotel au, im sorry, its 1/2 set in a bar, nearly everyone - Freeform, so like real friendships??, there will be tags for all of those on each chapter they are mentioned.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 06:35:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19740217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenTomato13/pseuds/GreenTomato13
Summary: Hevan, a hotel, and Hell, A bar, have sat next door to each other for some time now the two teams of colleagues dispising the other or at least trying there very hardest too... that's except two of them who after meeting quickly have other plans.





	When Heaven and Hell collide (A Human AU)

Many people have argued and fought on the notation of whether or not there is a god.

There is not. There also is…

You see the problem is most people forget to clarify which universe or reality they are talking about. For example…

There is a god in many of the universes in which Azriphale is an angel… but also many where there is not… also, somewhere there are multiple… and 3.6[1] where he himself is god and a few, rather odd ones, where he is played by actor Micheal Sheen. There are very few common factors across universes really apart from death so there are many where the aforementioned Azriphale did not exist but he does in this one so it might be best to ignore those for the time being. The Azriphale you are most likely familiar with is/was an angel either in a piece of media in your world or as a living entity in your world. In this one, he is not…

In fact, in this one, he is just your average employee of heaven… which is a hotel of course.

Heaven hotel is a luxury holiday accommodation for the rich and famous only[2]. If you wanted to relax in pure opulence or just wanted to show off how much money you had while on a business trip[3] this was the place for you. The hotel had a top-notch restaurant, a wonderful spa and swimming pool. Though it was brought by a chain it was still praised for its individuality[4]. And all this sat pride of place on a road called thoroughfare. 

Thoroughfare was a long road that mainly was the home of unaffordable apartment blocks, shops none of the residents couldn't afford, a couple of carparks, an all-day cafe, the hotel, A bar and 3 bus stops that were the nearest connections for a school that sat at the very end of the road.

This road was often overlooked except for joke due to a fact for the past 6 years it not only was host to a hotel but also a place called hell…

The bar, that sat exactly next door to the hotel only with a small dirty alleyway separating them. Hell existed on the fine, fine, line between nightclub and bar and found family situation. The place mainly catered to the queer community and friends. It had a very dedicated staff of 5 most of which had known each other for years[5]. And unsurprisingly the small team of working at hell had quickly made enemies with the neighbouring hotel's management team due to a wide array of complaints, personal issues and childish arguing.

This was about to get a lot worse than a small rivalry though as the youngest employee of Hell, crowly, was about to find out.

* * *

1- The figures used in this are all relative to how many infinities and were figured out using an equation you were likely taught (and immediately forgot in an algebra lesson) that has never appeared on an exam paper in any of the realms of existence. 

2-  Exceptions for friends and family were made as long as they were still paid for accordingly.

3- And you could buy a small island...

4- Which really only meant the amount of gold leaf was extremely impressive 

5- And in the cases where they hadn't it still certainly felt that way.

* * *

Crowly loved cars. He was currently admiring a Citroen 2 CV that was parked across the road while snacking on a bag of crisps[6]. He was wondering first of all who would paint it mustard yellow and secondarily who would be as careless as to keep it in such terrible shape! When a smartly dressed person, or as crowly would put it asshole, walked up to him.

“You work here. You're the little brother.” an American accent forced a smile at him. This was pointless and horrible for both of them. This was the big boss of heaven next door, Gabriel.

“You dont work here and you are a fucking bother.” Crowley stood up, brushed down his dress, stuffed his unfinished crisps into his leather jacket’s pocket and begun walking away.

“Look just give this to your sister.” he held out a pale cream envelope in his direction.

“Who?” Crowley creased his brow with a grin crossing his arms.

Gabriel scowled gritting his teeth and forcing through an attempted correction “brother.”

“Who?” Crowly watched the anger twist on Gabriel's face before deciding it wasn't worth it. “Im just messing with you twinkie boy.” he snatched the letter and turn away.

“Just because I am from America…”

“Wasn’ calling you it cuz that.” He darted inside knowing that would ruffle his feathers[7]. Crowly sniggered to himself. “Huh, ruffled his feathers”

“Crawly[8]. You're meant to be helping set up. We open in 20.” his sister/brother/sibling/boss, AKA the owner of the bar, commented dragging out their words in the usual way they did.

* * *

6- It should be noted that crowly though technically he was only eating one bag of crisps this crisp packed contain 2 packets he had poured into one bag. Cheese and onion mixed with prawn cocktail… his favourite.

7- This is not a joke. Im sure you all are “loling” over the fact that Gabriel is an angel name and they have wings. If it was a joke it would be a very very dumb joke...

8- This was a nickname for their brother that had stuck. Crowly had bribed them not to tell anyone where it came from.

* * *

“Beeeeeeeeeelllllllllzzzzzzeeeeeebbbbbbuuuuubbbb” he rang out their name[9] as he walked over to them, “a letter for the lord of the flies himself.” he dramatically handed the letter over catching the attention of the other employees.

Dagon [10] waltz over leaning on the bar beside Beelzebub asking her lifelong friend “What is it?”

“A letter.” crowly commented.

“We all know that.” Ligur [11] shoved crowly to the side trying to see the letter Beelzebub had hidden from the others and begun reading.

“Why’d ask then?” crowly caught his balance on the bar glaring back at Ligur as hastur[12].

“You knew what I meant!” Dagon complained

“Shut up,” Beelzebub whispered. They all fell silent. The air weighed them down, “they're threatening to sue us.”

The other 4 erupted into questions and noise:

“They can't do this?” “they can't do that” “what for?” “shit.” 

“SHHHUTTT IT” they yelled they face a blank of expression not in the bored way it usually did but in a hollow that scared the others. “They are threatening to sue us over the noise complaints. So we either restrict the customers and stop the live entertainment or we faced getting sued… ”

“It's fine we can survive this.” crowly smiled rubbing a finger over Beelzebubs finger in a soothing motion bringing their blank stare to their brother’s eyes.

“No. no, we cant.”

...

* * *

9-  This was not their real name. Due to a mispronunciation incident when they were younger no one had called them their real name since they left school (and that was only ever teachers). Crowly had used the origin story of this nickname as bribery on many occasions.

10- There are a lot of nicknames in hell. This one isn't very interesting. Daisy + long = Dagon.

11- He used to linger around after closing time and before opening time offering to help just so he could flirt with one staff member… and as soon as they could hire a new person there was no point getting anyone else.

12- Not a nickname. Just weird parents. Also Ligurs husband. The flirting worked.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU that got rather out of hand...
> 
> also sorry I dont have any idea on how to footnote for AO3... (i usually just delete footnotes but since this is good omens it felt wrong too lol)


End file.
